Dear Governor Mike DeWine,
Please understand, this isn’t personal. I don’t know you personally, just your face and voice that I have seen entirely too often since March of this year. No offense, sir, but if I never saw you on my TV again it would be too soon.
I understand that you are doing your part to keep folks safe in the Buckeye state from this damn pandemic. Thanks to Covid you are a household name and celebrity of sorts here in Ohio, the subject of some wicked funny memes, going from daily live updates to at least twice a week now. And honestly, I hate those segments and over all have stopped watching. Why you ask?
YOU TALK TOO MUCH ABOUT THINGS WE DO NOT CARE ABOUT! I do not know your friends who have been sick or passed away. I’m sure they were loved and cherished, but none of us, over all, know them from Adam. We do not care where you and your lovely wife, Fran, toured this past week. To be honest we do not give a flying frog’s butt about anything other than facts regarding the virus. Save the interviews with hospital and medical experts, leaders etc. Just give us the numbers and what counties are headed to hell in a handbasket with cases. Any new mandates? Yep, let us have those. But we don’t need to know or care about what tie you are wearing, or even the newest commercials (we will see them enough when watching TV). Save all that for the END of your update time. I don’t have an hour to spend on this, I need the specifics right up front and then I can shut it off. IF anyone cares about the other things you share, they can listen. I don’t. I just need the numbers and changes to the rules we are playing by this week and then I need to get back to work, or living here in my little, closed and isolated world.
I swear sometimes I’m not sure if you are still trying to convince folks that this is serious and real (you are wasting your breath in that case at this point), or you just like the sound of your own voice. Either way, you could knock out these updates in 20 minutes or less simply by just giving us the scoop in the first few minutes and then sign off!