In case anyone missed the memo, seems tonight is a full moon. A Supermoon. A pink Supermoon. The closest one for this year. Yippie. Because hey, nothing screams chaos in a memory care facility like a full moon. Add no visits from friends and family (for 3 weeks now) from the pandemic and those of us working are ready to bash our heads onto the desks.
Life has been crazy, y’all. Memory care folks seem to be super sensitive to full moons, and mine started pre-gaming this lunar event about 3 days ago. They are missing people and we while have found a way to do virtual and window visits, I’m not sure that is a good idea either. They cry when we do window visits, not understanding why their loved one won’t come in the building. Some don’t seem grasp the video visits at all. Toss in the staff all wearing masks and you have residents that are just not themselves and very suspicious of us all. I know of a few who think they have been abducted and are being held hostage because we have our faces covered. 😦
The staff is on edge. We appreciate our families when they visit, many help out by assisting their family member with eating, keeping them occupied when TV isn’t something that the resident likes to do. They jump in and help in activities, or getting someone a drink of water or a clean utensil when one hits the floor during meals. We probably under valued all of this until now, when we are flying without those additional hands. We are comforting those scared or crying, trying to distract the worried who are high functioning enough to have their own televisions and are very aware the world is in crisis. We are tired, and those masks we have to wear? HOT AND UNCOMFORTABLE! I step outside to pull it down and breathe cooler air and not put anyone at risk. We have to wear them in case we come in contact outside of work and have no symptoms (yet), so we don’t infect anyone inside who is vulnerable. Many of us are working over time. We are all tired, oh so tired, mentally and physically. We carry around silent concerns over what is going on in the world. To anyone who says “you knew what you signed up for” to healthcare or first responders…screw you. NONE of us signed up for a pandemic. ZERO. Not a word was mentioned about a deadly virus that would impact many countries and kill a lot of people and silently spread like a wild fire, way the heck worse than the flu, in my STNA and MA-C classes. We get our flu vaccines in this business, but there is nothing to truly protect us or our families if we bring this virus home with us. This is NOT AT ALL what we signed up for, okay?
The constant updating of protocols and procedures, changes in our work environments (really how many nursing homes have had to create a quarantine unit before just in case?), missing family (I have not been able to hug a grandchild in close to a month, and haven’t even seen some of them from my car window, just on Facetime), worry about finding time to actually GO to the store, to wait in line and hope they have a few of the things on the needed list because there are greedy douche canoes out there buying more toilet paper and hand sanitizer than they will use in a life time, and other foods that will likely spoil before they can use it all.
My employer knows we are all about ready to crack. They have been so kind in making sure we are all okay. Yesterday they gave us big care packages full of stuff to help. Even had a roll of toilet paper in each bag. Some comfort foods, some cookies and candy, bread, anti-bacterial soap, it was amazing. Made my whole week that they are trying to make us feel better.
A friend sent me flowers thanking me for being the hands and feet of Jesus where I work, that made me feel so much better. I’ve not been doing such a great job at this of late, I’m stressed.
My daughter is 8.5 months pregnant, and will deliver my newest grandchild in the height of this mess. I pray, because this is all out of my control, and then try not to grab that worry out of God’s hands again. She is healthy, her household is healthy, and I’m praying that this baby boy will arrive safe, sound, healthy and come home without any issues to a clean, safe home. And I won’t be able to go hold him, most likely, until he is about a month old and let me tell you that is ripping my Nana heart out.
Sleep? All I know is without Melatonin I cannot fall asleep right now to save my life. I think I’m doing okay, but the reality is those unconscious worries keep me up at night. Thankfully my sister keeps it on hand and gave me some Melatonin to help me and it is a true blessing.
Tonight should be interesting. A small, 4 hour shift at the height of sun downing with my residents, a supermoon, a pandemic, and now severe weather likely…I swear if that tornado siren goes off I’ll probably completely lose my sh*t and have a full on melt down. Sitting in the bath tub waiting it out.
I picked the wrong year to quit drinking. (77 days alcohol free)
Marti Gardner 