The past 5 days have been rough. I would not want to hit the rewind button on this experience. I have been D.O.W.N. for the count. Friday evening at work I was having lower back aches on both sides. Not muscle though, so I was concerned that I might be getting sick. That and the cough, runny nose and feeling all BLAH. I knew this wasn’t going to go well. I had no idea how right I was going to be!
Saturday morning I woke up to chills, aches, and the coughing was much worse. I wrote it off as a cold and went to the store and got my shopping done. Feeling sorry for myself I drove to Dunkin Donuts to grab an iced coffee too. By that evening I could tell this was no cold. Come Sunday morning I was pretty certain I’d managed to get the flu, a fever was now part of the fun. Monday the doc said it was severe bronchitis and a doozy of a sinus infection. I’m on a z-pak and something to help the cough be productive and Mucinex. I’m starting to feel better, last night was a glorious 9 hours of sleep. Still coughing like I’m paid too, and weak as a new kitten but better. Water is my friend, and peppermint herbal tea. This too shall pass. It has too, I need to go back to work.
While down for the count I watched sappy Hallmark Christmas movies. I actually had a resident family member complain last holiday season that we had these on for our residents because they aren’t realistic, and people are miserable this time of year dealing with dementia in their loved one. I let her change the channel, despite many of the residents seeming to enjoy the shows. But this year I’m hurting too. My mom not being here is HARD. But you know what? I still love these sugar coated, happy endings! No my mom is not going to magically appear for one last Christmas to wrap up loose ends like one of the movies. I’m not likely to meet Mr. Right between now and Christmas morning, fall madly in love, buy a cute house get married. But these movies plant warm and fuzzy feelings, and that is awesome! Yes this world has a lot of pain and suffering in it. But what is so wrong with taking a break from reality to just enjoy a little festive, fun, fantasy? Mom is still gone, my heart still hurts, but I felt good watching these stories unfold even if they are overly predictable. Bad times do not negate all the other good times and memories! Or future ones for that matter. And I’m very capable of experiencing happiness and joy while hurting. Embrace it all and LIVE!
Another thing I noticed while watching these movies was a commercial talking about show them how much you really love them with a gift from…(fill in the blank). Really? Let me explain this, marketing departments. There is NO gift on this planet that can begin to express my love. PRICELESS isn’t available in a gift. No gift I could ever give can touch how I feel about my loved ones. Except perhaps TIME. Time is not for sale and is limited in quantity and once gone cannot be replaced. Memories made while spending time together can never be bought. Forget the commercialism, take a step back and look for a way to spend time with those you love that will later leave them with memories when you are gone. Nothing in this world can replace my mom, or add up to the countless memories we made over the last 8 years of her life. Riding along with my sister and mom, looking at Christmas lights, making snarky comments and jokes, us laughing until we nearly pee’d our pants…you cannot buy that and wrap it. Coffee together, watching the snow falling outside of the window, or sitting near the fire and watching Christmas shows or just talking…those are the most precious gifts ever. Those are the things that matter.
I’m so very thankful for all of the memories I have, and the joy I have this Christmas even with the loss of my mom. Bring on the sappy movies.
Marti Gardner 