How Do I Feel At The Moment?

thumbnail_IMG_1615Hmmm…how do I feel at the moment?

This question comes from something I pinned on Pinterest today. I thought it might be interesting to answer them, in order, as blog posts.

**Note** the wine is not really relevant to this post aside from it being what I am drinking as I sit here writing.

So, to answer this question….

At this moment I feel a lot of things. There is no nice, short answer like “awesome”, “marvelous”, or “crappy”. Here is how I feel at the moment:

Sad – sad that mom is not here to chat with tonight after work. I picked up second shift today and I loved how she would wait up or wake up when she heard me come in, and when I got upstairs her light would be on and she’d ask me “how are your people today?” Or we’d have coffee when I got home from first shift and recap my day. I’d fill her in on various ones (without identifying info because HIPAA), she’d listen and laugh with me, cry with me, give me her perspective based on so many years of experience. Once she went on hospice, I’d also talk about how I really wasn’t ready for her to go. She’d say “you never will be” and she was correct. Hospice for 10 months before she was gone, I cannot really complain because we thought we only had weeks. But I’m sad because after work is one of those times I miss her very much!

Happy – I worked with Rob tonight, a great care partner and friend. He knew I was having an emotional day and had me laughing in no time and jumped in to pull a bit more of the work load until I snapped out of my funk.

Blessed – I have a tight circle of a few friends who ‘get’ me, care about me, pray for me, and surround me with love. I have a really great job, love what I do, and love my coworkers. I have a nice apartment that finally feels like ‘home’ after nearly 5 months of adjusting and making it my space, haven, sanctuary. I have a really amazing family to embrace me, love me, cry with me, and do life with me.

Crazy – In addition to working full time, and being a health coach, I have another source of income. This one has a bad stigma attached to it, hence the ‘crazy’. I donate plasma. Okay I’m paid for it so I suppose you could say I sell my plasma. I do this twice a week, adding $300+ to my budget each month. No, bums do not do this! Yes there are a few sketchy looking folks there donating, but mostly it is college students, some folks who are low income, welfare recipients even. There are also folks dressed for the office, or in uniforms for various companies. I know of a couple who both donated twice a week for a year and paid for their wedding. All kinds of people do this, but not druggies. See, each bottle of plasma is tested for drugs and if it tests positive you are out of the program. Forever. Former drug users, if you have tracks to prove it, aren’t welcome. Homeless folks cannot either, you have to have a permanent address and be able to prove it. Twice a week I’m forced to actually sit still (not an easy task for me) and just read, relax, listen to music, etc. Self care you could say. And if that isn’t enough, I COULD be that crazy sign guy/gal, dancing around with a big arrow sign while dressed up in some wacky costume, trying to lure folks into a business for multiple hours a day, several days a week. Call me crazy, but this pays for my groceries every month so I am good with it!

Tired – It is 12:33am and I’m finally unwinding enough from work so I can sleep. The glass of wine did help. Come sunrise I will be awake, rested, and ready to seize the day. Good night y’all!