Have you ever noticed that when you make a to-do list you are more likely to actually DO what is on that list than if you just keep it mental? Then again if you are like me you might hit a bump in the road and while you keep adding to that list, nothing is getting crossed off. This makes for a long list and that causes anxiety. The list is long, my friends, very long.
My blog is on that list and so here I sit, coffee next to me and I’m typing away. This is good stuff happening, something will be crossed off of my list now. It may only be one item with a line through it but that is one more than the current list displays so I’m celebrating this little victory.
So what is this bump in the road of marvelous? Well truth be told it is a whole pile of debris of life piling up and overwhelming me lately. Is you coffee or adult beverage in a Yeti style tumbler? Because this could get long y’all and don’t want your drink to get cold if it needs to be hot or the other way around.
- Mom is on a steady decline. Weeks perhaps even a few more months, but the decline is on. I know, since July when she was given 2-4 weeks I’ve been saying this, and the decline has been steady though thankfully slow. But lately she is in pain and nauseous a lot. And tired. She lays down and sleeps a lot. In fact she is in bed more than out of it now. I’ve started to de-plan my calendar, turn down invitations because I’m unapologetically selfish with my down time. She may be sleeping most of the evening sometimes but when she is awake I want to be where she is, soaking up her final days.
- Apartment Hunting is the name of the game. But not too intense on this just yet because until mom dies there is no moving ut so timing is going to be a big factor in the where and when. Mostly the where at this point because until there is a when on the table it is hard to really locate anything more than where I’d LIKE to be living. I cannot afford to put down a deposit and pay rent monthly until it is time to actually move, and then I have to hope the places that appeal to me have a vacancy. And finding a place that accepts cats is harder than I thought. Seriously they allow birds up to 10 pounds and 50 gallon aquariums but not cats. Birds are nasty, dirty creatures (I had one) so why them and not a sweet, declawed, spayed, 8 year old cat? I won’t rehome her because I’ve had her since she was 4 weeks old and orphaned. You don’t rehome an animal like it’s a set of no-longer-used dishes.
- Work as in trying to keep my health coaching job and Avon going while working full time and dealing with the above. I’ve really sucked lately at coaching and I just need to focus. I was doing great bullet journaling the coaching business, it kept me DOING the work and in contact with clients, and now dust is gathering on the notebook and I’m a week behind on my bootcamp training and actions for coaching. Seriously need to refocus. And there has been drama at work and I hate drama. Plus my A-team gals all have something derailing our lives right now from physical injuries to personal life issues and it is just sucking the fun out of our job. We are all in reground and regroup mode, kicking around the idea of all taking off the same day and going to an escape room locally. Though we’d prefer to take a few bottles of wine and not escape the room at all! We just cannot seem to catch a break of late. We also had a resident pass away this past week, one we all loved, so we’re a bit raw emotionally. She was the same age as my mom which only made it harder for me than I expected.
- Etsy Shop needs some new listings. I have 3 blankets that are finished and ready to be listed for sale and have yet to photograph them and get them online. And it is time to tweak descriptions on products but my creative juices have dried up.
Those are just some of the items of life debris piling up. I have to file my taxes (actually have to prepare the stuff, I have a tax guy thanks to all this side business hoopla), finish CEUs for my MA-C certification renewal, clean my closet out, place an Avon order, place a food order for myself so my health stays solid, pay some bills, write my sponsor child in Nicaragua, clean/dust/sweep my room, finish 6 partially complete crochet projects (can’t sell them if I don’t actually complete them), and that is just the top of the to-do list.
Right now I’m ever so thankful I decided to head back to Crossroads for the all church journey. Honestly I tried to love the church I had switched too, the teaching is solid there and all, but it just feels like stale crackers to me. I missed the energy, love, vibe, and teaching (also solid) at Crossroads. It fits me better. And that was a stress producer too, because one of my kids is at one church, the other is at Crossroads and I was trying to attend both! I loved when we all went to the same church, same service. Even the ex-hubster and his wife went there, and while awkward to some, I found it kinda cool that we all were doing faith together. They are now with the son at the other location and I’ve come back home to where I found my way back to God. And I’m happier, and growing again in my walk with the Lord. I’m beyond delighted my kids are both in churches and actively walking out their faith, with Christian spouses doing the same by their sides. What more can a mother hope for really than to see her kids serving God and His people?
So about that all church journey, it is called Obsessed and we are on weekend 3 right now. And to quote my daughter, “I’m not digging this journey”. Oh we are really thankful for it, but it’s not a comfortable trip we are on here. Facing down our obsessions and getting them in line is not easy. I’m uncovering some things I do not like about my life and myself and what I pay attention too. “Pay attention to what you pay attention too” stuck out this past weekend and the work in the app for the week really pried the lid off things I did not care to see. That is the stuff of another post though.
So, that brain dump felt good. There it is, in a nut shell, because no one has time to write and then have anyone read a 20 volume encyclopedia size dump of ALL that is going on in my crazy, marvelous life right now.
Marti Gardner 