Monday Memos – OOPS My Bad

Monday MemosDear Self,

Perhaps you need to take a deep breath in and RELAX!  You obviously lost your sense of humor gene somewhere.  He was kidding, but you know on texts it IS hard to tell.  But it’s all okay now and gosh he really DOES seem like a nice guy.  Time will tell.  Meanwhile, ease up on the poor guy and calm down some.

Really girlfriend, what would make you even give someone the time of day who was critical of everything you like?

  • Your community
  • Your hobbies
  • Your favorite TV shows
  • Your job preferences
  • Your nickname
  • Your faith
  • Your faith practices like tithing & abstaining from sex outside of marriage
  • Your sleeping habits
  • Pretty much everything about you they learned.

Were you really shocked that someone like that would tell you that THEIR goal for you was to shed 35 pounds and be bikini ready 7 months from now? Oh and change your hair back to blond.

If said person, we shall refer to this one as The Badge,  was really intrigued with you, as stated, then they would not wish to change anything, but rather would be drawn to know more about you, what makes you tick, who you are, but not try to change you.  Then they aren’t intrigued, they are controlling, manipulative assholes and you don’t need another one of those in your life. Ever. Again.


1. to arouse the curiosity or interest of by unusual, new, or otherwise fascinating or compelling qualities; appeal strongly to; captivate

That doesn’t say anything about you being a menu that has substitutions available or made to order Barbie Doll.

And to think I thought firefighters born under the sign of Aquarius were the worst of the swine.

THIS is why I don’t date anymore.


Your Inner Goddess


Dear Self,

Excellent choice of therapy, going and watching the planes land for a bit, then a ride on the ferry.  The Happy Meal was pretty cool too.  Next time stop and buy bubbles and we can go talk to Fred while we blow bubbles in the cemetery.


Your Inner Child


Dear Self,

You’re still f*cking perfect, you just need to take a step back from the edge of the cliff.  Sir Lancelot used to tell you that often, he is right.  Hey, Badge, I’m sorry, and glad we talked it all out Tuesday night into the wee hours of Wednesday morning.  Duct tape to the mouth and hands probably would be a good idea.  NO not for that!  Mind out of gutter!  It’s to keep me from running my mouth until I get the whole story, and to tape my hands to the desk so I don’t go off on the keyboard for at least 24 hours.  Told you that you were in for a wild ride.

Remember, there have been some good guys among the dirt bags.  Super Hero told you not to lose weight, he liked your curves and didn’t want a stick.  He liked you just the way you were.  Teddy Bear as well, thinks you are pretty special.  The Biker went as far as to call your curvy self exquisite.  There are others out there who would love you just as you are and it is definitely The Badge’s loss. So don’t let your self esteem take a hit over this, remove the negativity from your social media and move on.  You’re f*cking perfect, don’t forget it.


Your Inner Amazing, Marvelous Self


Dear Badge,

Take a hike, you are not even close to worthy of me across the river, let’s have a beer.  🙂


The Marvelous One


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