Contrary to what some think, my life really IS a bed of roses.
And roses have thorns so sometimes I roll over in this lush bed of life and get pricked in the butt cheek by one of those annoying, painful, pointy little things that could completely ruin the day. Month. Year. Life, if I let it. I opt not to allow that. Hence that is the major difference between me and some folks.
Pain in the body means something is amiss. Bad pain could indicate a very serious problem. Pain in our lives is no different. It may mean you need to change something, address an issue, or it may mean that the most recent card dealt you in the hand of life is bringing about major changes that will cause heartache. Pain and change will either cause bitterness and ugly things to grow, or they can be builders of character, strength and renewal.
When I found myself single after 22 years of marriage (yes it was 22, not 23 as someone who had their g-string in a knot pointed out to me), I didn’t handle that very well. I was upset, hurt, shattered…and at the same time sought the silver lining and embraced the good. It did not mean I wasn’t hurting, it meant I had opted to find reasons to be happy. Now, looking back over my shoulder, I see even more reasons to enjoy my single status and where I am residing.
I live with 4 other women (soon to be 3 as one is moving out next month). Have you ever lived with a bunch of women? If you are female you will totally understand why this all can be the best time ever!
Need a razor to shave your legs? Hair scrunchie? Ran out of moisturizer or face scrub? Just don’t have that right shade of eye shadow, lipstick or nail polish? Well when 5 women live under one roof, someone has your back!
Having a work issue you need to vent about? Who better than your main girls to pour it out too? Men want to fix it, that is how they are wired. Trouble is when a woman needs to vent she isn’t looking for a fix, she just wants someone to say, “no sh*t” and “I know, right?!”
Get up with a slight hang over from a night of over indulgence while singing karaoke on the deck til 2am? Your guy will likely tell you all the reasons that was stupid, and heck probably tried to pick a fight with you while you were tanked because that is always the best time to tell someone how dumb they are behaving is when they are not thinking clearly (my ex loved to do that). Your girls are too busy laughing and singing with you, and the next morning are full of sympathy and have a purse full of helpful remedies to make that headache vanish. They even help you clean yourself up and put you to bed to sleep off the aftermath.
Life in the Diva Den as we call our home, rocks. By the way, contrary to what someone says, I did not proclaim myself a Diva. A former “enemy” turned friend (it’s amazing how real, confident, beautiful women can mend a fence), had proclaimed me the Airbrushed Diva. It wasn’t meant to be nice, as at the time I was butt deep in the swinger lifestyle and had a few photo shoots done that were then airbrushed to perfection of ridiculous proportions. The funniest thing is that men would tell me I looked dead on my photos! Poor dudes really were off their rails. Anyway rather than allow it to make me mad, I embraced it. My sister, nieces and mom even embraced it and we dubbed the home the Diva Den and our first night in our new house, we celebrated with wine, called Divas Uncorked!!!
In the sense that a Diva is a strong willed, sometimes bitchy woman? Yep guilty as charged! I’m also amazing, wonderful, marvelous, fun, funny, adorable and a host of other diva-like qualities. Humble too. *big cheesy grin* All are things I am told by others and I embrace them. Heck the ex’s wife wrote a book that was fiction but had a lot of truth in it, and called me Zelda. It was meant to be a slam, as was how I was described throughout it’s pages (no accident, I am sure, that F. Scott Fitzgerald’s mentally unstable wife was named Zelda – that was not lost on me!), but I opted to embrace the name. Heck yes I was acting crazy at that time in life, everything I held dear was taken from me and my heart and soul were raw with pain. Zelda in Yiddish means “luck”. I am one lucky (blessed) woman. Looking back, those crazy times were a shedding of who I was based on what some man told me I should be, and allowing me to unwrap, uncover and rediscover ME! And I am pretty awesome. I was lucky to have the opportunity to start over with people surrounding me who love me just as I am and don’t want to change me. I not only don’t hold it against her, I want my own darn, autographed by the author copy! It actually helped me take a step back and see that I needed to reign myself in some. She is an awesome lady and I really LIKE her! How many women do you know that can say that of their ex’s new spouse?
So what does this Diva look like now that she is FREE to be herself?
She loves cats! She OWNS a cat and no man will ever tell her she cannot again.
She has a Yorkie and she will have another dog if she wants too, NO man gets to tell her otherwise.
She makes mistakes now and then and rather than be beat down over it and told it was “stupid” she is rallied around and helped to her feet to stand up, brush off and try again.
Sometimes, while doing her make-up, sitting all demurely at her vanity, she lifts her butt cheek and FARTS loudly with absolutely NO regrets.
She struggles with and works hard to get out of debt, and build a direct sales business that will one day give her the financial freedom to do things she wants to do. Oh and no one will tell her what she can spend her money on because it will be all hers!!
She has a great full time job working for someone who appreciates that she is PASSIONATE (not unstable or crazy) about what she believes and pours her heart into.
She sleeps in whenever she feels like it on the weekends and no one asks her if she is going to ever get her a** out of bed!
Books? No one to whine about how many she owns! Granted they are on a Kindle Fire now but still my money, my books, my expense.
Church? She attends and her walk with Christ is coming along. She isn’t perfect but He is and through His blood her Father In Heaven sees a perfect child. He shapes her and molds her and she tries hard not to fight too hard against the hands of that perfect Potter trying to mold her into what she should be.
She is happy as a single. She tried the whole relationship thing for a year last year and she opted to walk away from it. She loved again, but would rather be single and answer only to herself. Been there, done that, on to her next great adventure. She doesn’t need another half, or someone to complete her. She is a complete person.
As to those who have opted out of my life, that is THEIR loss. The person they walked away from is not that woman anymore. She is far better and changed, she is REAL and really herself, not the version someone else tried to turn her into. You might even find that she is indeed a great addition to your life!
This is MY life, and I am indeed living a life that is a bed of roses. This doesn’t work for everyone, but then they or you aren’t me. But for me this is absolutely M-A-R-V-E-L-O-U-S!!!
Marti Gardner 