You Can’t Make This Sh*t Up Thursday

I often hear of bucket lists, and while there are things I want to do before I die, I have yet to put those into a formal list.

My question is, do you have an UN-bucket list?  You know, those things that happen to you in life that would never have made the bucket list, they are more of those off the wall experiences that fall into the “you can’t make this sh*t up!” category.  Thursdays will be those days for me to share that ever growing list.  My life is full of such events, which tends to make it way more interesting and amusing.  At least to some folks on the outside looking in. Me? I just have to laugh or I’d probably cry and go bonkers.

As if yesterday’s post wasn’t full of oddness enough (semi trucks on the ferry, my little kitten etc), life kept it on a roll.  I got home with NO traffic issues (nothing short of amazing) and went to check on my kitten.  She is confined to the master bed and bath for 2 weeks while she is healing.  She greeted me at the bedroom door, having heard me come in the front door.  My nose immediately detected a very unpleasant odor.  Poop.  I looked all over and nothing could be found.  Her litter box looked fine, as in everything covered.  I picked her up and thankfully the stench grew stronger quickly, before I put her against me, because hanging there off the butt end of my fur ball was a big ole dingleberry.  For those that do not know, it’s a ball of feces stuck in the hair of one’s tush.  In this case it was more of a log.  I took her straight in the bathroom and removed it with toilet paper, but it was mashed into her fur.  Only way to deal with that? Bathe the kitten.  I want you to know that you have not truly lived until  you try to bathe a kitten who is certain you are trying to drown her.

tumblr_lkhntxfjoX1qjcwjgo1_500Now, picture this, we have a nice, large jaccuzzi tub in the bathroom, oval shaped.  I am holding the kitten and turn on the water and yep, she figures out really fast that it’s going to somehow involve her.  I go to stick her butt and tail under the water and I swear all 4.5 pounds of tiny Skyler is on alert.  Her little legs spread wide to try to reach the sides to hold her out of the water, while her upper body starts to twist and claw into my arms.  Thankfully I saw this coming and had pulled down my shirt sleeves.  I had to work really hard to not drop her while shampooing her bottom.  Took 2 separate attempts and all I had to do this with was Avon Naturals Kids Coconut shampoo.  So upon drying her off the second time she now smelled like a daiquiri.  But it was a big improvement.  I also didn’t have a towel handy so used my bath towel.  I then had to do a load of laundry because I wasn’t about to shower and use that towel until I had!

As the night wore on, I started to feel bad.  Like in sick.  😦  this is not a happy thing for me, I don’t like being sick.  I’ve tried hard to be in denial and refuse to accept it.  First the cat bath, now this. UGH

At bedtime I put the kitten on my blanket that I sleep under.  With menopause in full swing it is better to have my own blanket so as not to freeze my honey out when I have to throw off the blankets in the night sweats.  And I love the blanket, it is one my niece gave me last year for Christmas and it is SOOOOO soft.  Kitten ended up under the edge of it.  She didn’t move all night that I know of, as was evidenced by when I woke up and my pajama pant leg was soaking wet (she had climbed up on my leg to sleep) and the blanket.  One sniff and I knew she had pee’d on me.  I have no clue why she never went to use her litter box.  Perhaps her pain meds left her in a zone?  Or maybe she was stuck?  Who knows, I only know that waking up covered in kitten urine was not on my bucket list.  For that matter neither is bathing poop off a cat’s butt.

One last strange thing on the radar…my blog just suggested “New Mexico State University” as a recommended tag.  Hmm…not sure what connection this all has to that particular college.

You can’t make this sh*t up!


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