Bed Bully Beatdown

*stepping up to the podium, head down in shame*

“Hi, my name is Marvelous Marti, and I’m a Bed Bully.”

Yes, yes it is true.  It would seem the Marvelous one is a bed bully.  I know, right?? Who would have imagined.  😦        <—— big sad poutty face

Seems I am a bit of a bed hog.  I get closer and closer to the Knight until he is having nightmares of hanging on for dear life to the ledge of a tall building, ready to plummet to his death like a tomato dropped from a second floor window.  SPLAT!!!  I really don’t mean to do this, but I love to snuggle, cuddle, and I feel so safe and secure when I am against him.  I also prefer to sleep with a very cold room, so that burrowing under the covers is necessary.  And of course the closer I get to my big man (he IS 8 inches taller than me, broad shouldered and yummy in looks), the warmer and more comfy I am.  Which, it would seem, forces him closer and closer to the edge, causing the bad dreams.

And then there is the monster under the bed thing.  The big SNORE, but sounds like a monster, no doubt.  This I know because my beloved sister recorded me snoring one night.  Yes, it sounds frighteningly like some creature from your childhood night frights, but in my defense I had consumed a good deal of wine which would bring about that throaty growl for anyone.  Despite what some would tell you it is NOT a snarl, or even a low roar.  Just a snore.  A GENTLE snore.  At least I think.  See, I am not awake so I have no clue.  But I do, it seems, snore.  Which keeps the poor Knight awake if he is trying to go back to sleep.  Seems he is mostly likely awake because he is hanging on to the edge of sanity as I try to elbow him off the side of the bed when I nuzzle in closer.  Poor man, probably thinks I’m trying to kill him in his sleep.  It will probably take years of therapy to help him recover.

I did learn an interesting piece of information about property rights in the bed during our discussion of all this last night.  As he filled me in on all of the above, with his sexy eyes closed and a devilish grin on his adorable face, and I suggested a line down the middle of the bed, and then told him his foot was on MY side, I learned there is such a thing as community property in the bed.  Seems anything below where my feet reach, and his wander, due to his taller frame, is community property.  This instruction was given while he teased me repeatedly by sliding that foot back and forth onto MY side of  the bed.  Community property my tail!

Tonight maybe I will try the breathing strips, IF he gives up total ownership of the community property. Give and take, babe, give and take.


  1. This is my life…except I am the one that sleeps with the bed bully. especially concerning the snore thing. and he pulls all the covers too. which is weird since he gets too hot and then throws them all off. thankfully, he is a shift worker so on certain nights: the bed is all mine! ha

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