When I first told my mom I was getting a divorce, back in February 2010, she looked at me and said, “you think the world is ending now, but trust me, a year from now the landscape of your life is going to be so different than it is at this moment.” It was hard to believe that anything could be different than what I felt at that time, the pain and depression, and that it would be better than I was able at that time to imagine, but I kept those words in my heart and mind as I drifted mindlessly through the process.
The thing about mom is she is right about 99.9% of the time. And wouldn’t you know it, one year out, January of 2011, my life was indeed very different. My first Christmas as a divorcee was past me, and my first New Year’s Eve. I not only survived it, but wow what an amazing holiday season it had been. No longer married to Ebenezer Scrooge, I found so much joy again in the season and relished the memories I made through that year. I had moved in with my mom, sister and 2 nieces. We had 2500 square feet of new home to enjoy and I discovered that despite the many differences (and similarities) in our personalities, and the nay-sayers that said it would never work, it rocked. We laughed a lot around here. Daily in fact and we still do. I can still count on one hand, though admittedly only about one digit is left to spare, the number of times I’ve gotten into a heated argument or confrontation with any of my housemates. In that time I discovered it wasn’t me that had the ugly attitude and temper for 22 years.
As 2012 is coming to a close, and January looms over the hill in less than 24 hours, I realized that it will be 3 years now since that day when the ex told me he wanted out of my life. The day my world changed forever and life became known as “before the announcement/after the announcement”. And again this year the landscape of my life has changed very much.
So, what things changed, what did I learn in 2012? That is really what this is post is all about.
CHANGES IN THE LANDSCAPE
*My son married on St. Patty’s Day and I gained a daughter-in-law and granddaughter (my first grandchild).
*My first grandson was born the day after Christmas, to my son and his wife, making me a grandma twice over.
*My younger brother (the older of the two brothers) married the woman I believe is the love of his life, on 12/30/12, in a flash wedding ceremony at the local conservatory. We all walked in, located the spot that they as a couple determined was a good, quieter one, and the minister began the ceremony. With visitors to the conservatory who happened to be in the room, or wandered in, all looking on with us close family, they were married. Then we were off to a wonderful (I cannot say enough about the food OMG) dinner to celebrate. I loved this as we have waited, not too patiently, for this day to finally arrive.
*I did not end up marrying at the nationals for the “outlaw” motorcycle club that the now ex-boyfriend (but very very dear friend) was a member. I did not end up marrying at all. I’m single but honestly more than content being so. I’ve learned to relish my singleness and not at all sure I will ever marry again. Not closing the door on that but it is no longer on my bucket list to marry again.
*The ex-hubby tied the knot while on vacation in Jamaica this year, and much to my surprise I not only wasn’t hurt by it, I was thrilled for them both! And over joyed for my children, even though they are adults, she is a wonderful person to have in their lives and I believe has made their lives that much richer with her love of them.
*I went back to ‘school’ and achieved my certificate to be a nurse aide. In a few weeks I’ll take my state test and hopefully find a job in this field quickly. I loved working with the residents in the nursing home during clinicals and think I may have found my niche in life.
THINGS I LEARNED IN 2012
*No one is responsible for my happiness. I am not lonely because I am not ‘attached’ to someone. I’m not ‘alone’ either. I knew all of this but as the year progressed it came to be better understood on deeper levels to me. I am independent, confident, and comfortable as Marti. I am not “just Marti” because I am not “Marti and ______ “, but rather I am MARTI – marvelous, fun, quirky Marti. I am happy, have fun, enjoy life and love me as I am.
*I do have areas of me and my life that need to improve, and I’m actively working on those.
*My faith is very important to me, and I need to take nurturing that faith more seriously.
*95+mph on the back of a Harley on the highway is liberating, crazy, amazing….and I’m okay if I never do that again. Oh don’t get me wrong, I was terrified of highways at all up until the Biker/Cowboy, but in a pack of riders who are riding like they just stole the motorcycles (some probably had if I was honest with myself), it was an outstanding rush! But not wise and certainly not something I want to keep doing. I had my moments on that one, crossed it off the bucket list.
*People I had admired, looked up to, and had inspired me, people I thought were over all good people…can turn out to to be evil, vindictive people. And many who play the victim are not only the ones doing the victimizing, they usually are just seeking attention.
*It is perfectly okay to write whatever I want in order to vent and get it out of my system, but it isn’t always necessary to hit “publish” once I am finished writing. Somethings are better left between me and the keyboard, or to be published at a later date in my novels or on my pen-name/ghost blog. No I do not share that one, sorry. It is the place for things I don’t publish under my real identity to avoid hurting people I love.
*My son continues to amaze me, but that is another post. But one thing I learned, just when you think you cannot possibly love your children anymore than you already do…they have children of their own and your heart swells bigger as you watch them hold their own child and you find you love them more and in a brand new way.
The landscape of 2013 is before me, and over the next 12 months it will change, grow, parts will die off and when I look up at the end of this year, it will look familiar, no doubt, but it will be again so different from what it is now.
Marti Gardner 