Monday Memos

Dear Noel,

I get that you are the top cat in the house.  For the record you are also the biggest and heaviest of the felines allowing us to feed and house them.

So what happened?  You normally will not step paw one into my room, as it is Pixel’s sleeping place and you usually respect that fact.  If I look at you, then you suddenly exit the room in a hurry.  Until 4am this morning when I woke to you laying on my chest.  For the record, yes, you purring is kind of soothing, and it was nice and warm.  However, you are a bit of a lard-butt when it comes to cats.  And breathing IS kind of necessary for me to continue to live, fill the food bowls and clean your litter box.

Next time, just curl up by my leg like Pixel does, if you insist on suddenly sleeping with us.

The Feline Feeder & Litter Cleaner Upper

Dear Warner Cable,



We call you on Saturday because suddenly our cable, that was working just dandy Friday evening, is no longer functioning.  You remotely reset/boot all the boxes in the house (which by the way is just kinda creepy that you can do that).  The boxes all go into an eternal state of rebooting over and over.  We follow all of your help desk’s scripted instructions spoken in barely discernible English by a warm body in another country, unplugging, re-plugging, only to be told a technician will have to come see what the issue is on Monday.  We did without football on our TV, Once Upon A Time, The Walking Dead, 666 Park Avenue, and then suddenly the boxes are back on and the cable is working within an hour of the expected ETA of the technician, as if by magic??????  Are you sure it wasn’t just that no one was available this past weekend to throw the right switch or reboot YOUR box?

Wants Credit For Missed Days Of Television

Dear SparkPeople,

I thank you profusely for your FREE, diet and fitness website.  OMG nothing like tracking everything going in the mouth to suddenly make healthier food choices in order to spread those daily calories out a bit.  And yes, I know, those healthy carbs, some fat and the protein are very important to functioning fully.  Not to mention the 8 glasses of water a day I’m drinking again.  As one who easily is dehydrated that probably SHOULD be a good thing but I am not a big fan of drinking water.  But okay, I’m on it.  Heck I get to earn Spark Points, and I’m all about earning virtual points for virtual stuff, just ask FourSquare when I check in all over town and hold virtual Mayorship of dozens of places including our upstairs bathroom.

Seriously, I love the site, love the free everything on there and the exercise videos.  You all rock!

My Future Slimmer, Fitter Me