Pro – ?

This week the topic for Tuesday Coffee Chat is: Pro – ?

This is in regards to abortion.

The topic is highly controversial to say the least.

I had an unplanned pregnancy at 15yo, so I feel I can safely put my perspective on this.

I am pro-torn.  It just isn’t as cut and dry, in my opinion, as folks want to make it seem.  At least not to me.

First, for me it simply is not an option I would chose.  I thought about it long and hard when I was 15.  I was a sophomore in high school, had been accepted to the vocational school for the legal secretary program. I had a boyfriend, a summer of fun ahead of me and 2 more years of high school to do all those fun teenage girl things.  Pregnant was just a word until I found out I was going to have a baby.  I had a LOT of decisions to make.  Have the baby, or have an abortion.  If I had the baby, keep it or give it up for adoption.  If I kept it, how was I going to finish school, etc etc etc.  I ended up deciding to have the baby, a little girl, and gave her up for adoption.

Trust me being a birth parent isn’t easy, you carry that with you all of your life,  until, if like mine it is a closed adoption, you know how it all turned out.  I would say the vast majority never know what became of the child they placed for adoption if it is a closed one.  They can only hope and pray the child had the best of what life has to offer.  I was able to find the child, now an adult.  But that opens another set of issues.  For some, they reunite and try to make up for lost time as mom/child.  In our case…we were strangers.  She has a loving family, a mom and dad.  I gave her life, they gave her a LIFE.  She wasn’t looking for a mom, I wasn’t looking for a daughter.  We both had lots of questions waiting for answers, but neither of us was looking to add another seat at the Thanksgiving dinners with the family.  I guess that might sound cold, but trust me it isn’t.  We became friends of sorts, but I don’t push for contact.  That is all up to her.  We both have lives and families, we are friends that share some common genetic codes, and we’ve both had our eyes opened a bit to the wonder of what is genetic and what is learned behaviors.   She knows that I am here if she ever wishes to talk and that I will always care about her, but it isn’t something easy to explain.  She drifts in and out of my life at her will.  I was thankful to learn all my prayers had been answered for her, I could not have hand picked a more perfect family.   But I have no claim to her and while I enjoy and value her friendship very much, it is all by her terms.

Sorry, didn’t mean to hijack this.

Anyway, adoption IS a great option, but not everyone is mentally prepared to handle it.  It is far from cut and dry, have the baby, sign the papers then see ya bye.  It impacts your life and the child’s to varying degrees.

Keeping a baby and raising a child as a teenager is a personal choice, but not one I would choose or recommend.  As any parent knows there is more to it than diapers, naps, and feedings.  It too is not for the faint of heart.

Abortion is indeed taking a life.  I love the banner I have seen that says something to the effect: if we discovered a one cell organism on Mars, science would proclaim we discovered life on another planet.  But that a baby, until born, is not considered a life.  If a one-celled organism is considered life, then life begins at conception.  To me, in my mind, it certainly does.  But then it is actually a 2-celled organism I suppose.  Certainly once a heart starts beating, blood is flowing, then it must be considered life.  It is how we determine those outside of the womb are alive or dead, by a beating heart.  Brain activity would also make us call it a life, as the brain is actively making that little heart beat.  Per what I can find online, the heart is beating by week  4 or 5.  But prior to that, cells are actively dividing and transforming into various body parts.  It is alive.

Back to the discussion, is the Marvelous one pro-life?  Yes.  Is she also pro-abortion? Yes.

There are circumstances when I believe it is okay, if done very early.  But if there is ANY way to continue the pregnancy I think it should continue.

Now, about that whole woman’s right to choose, it is her body.  I’m calling bullshit right there.  The right to choose, in MOST pregnancies, was before you got pregnant.  There is precious little room for making the case of an accidental pregnancy with all the advances in medicine today.  Too many options to prevent the pregnancy are available.

The issue I have with its HER body, what about the other body that is growing there?   It’s not a child or baby if the woman chooses to end the pregnancy.  But it IS a child if she chooses not too?  People are charged with the murder of a mother and her unborn child in car accidents.  Or just the child if the mother survives.  I have an issue with that.  It is either a life and therefore a child, or it is not. But you cannot have it both ways based on want for that pregnancy.  To me, it is in fact a child, a life.  It isn’t murder if the mother ends the pregnancy, but it is if another driver runs into her and ends the pregnancy.  How can that even be?

And what of the fathers?

Sally and John discover Sally is pregnant.  Sally doesn’t want the baby or pregnancy so she goes and ends it.  She doesn’t need John’s permission.  In fact, he has ZERO say in the matter even though he wants the child.  That isn’t right it is HIS child too!  But wait, she is woman, hear her roar, and it is HER body so she gets to make the choice.  Sorry John you are but a sperm donor and have no say so whatsoever in the life of your would be child.

But suppose Sally decides to continue the pregnancy and give the baby up for adoption.  NOW John matters.  The courts want his input and signature on the bottom line releasing his rights to this child.  If it is her body, her right to choose, why does the father even enter into the picture at this point?

OR Sally gives birth and keeps the baby, but John does not want this child.    Now little Miss It’s My Body and My Womb and My Choice suddenly expects John to PAY for her choice for the next 18 years.  How the heck is that even right?  If she doesn’t want it, despite him wanting it, then it isn’t a child, it is her choice.  But if he doesn’t want it, she does, now it is his responsibility.  Bullshit.

Sorry but dads get screwed in this and that is simply not right at all.

What about rape or incest?  Well as far as rape goes, if you immediately report it and go to the hospital, there are steps that can be taken during the processing of your body as a crime scene that will ensure it is unlikely you will get pregnant.  Incest is another issue in and of itself.  Sadly it isn’t until some young child is pregnant that the violation of her innocence is even known.  There will always be extenuating circumstances that I would support abortion, but they truly are rare in occurrence.  Abortion as a means of birth control is wrong, there are far better ways to prevent a pregnancy.

Okay that all said…I believe abortion for the most part is wrong.  It is murder in my opinion, a sin.  However…I don’t have to answer for another’s choice.  My sins are the ones I have to answer too.  And believe me if you are in line behind me on Judgment Day, bring a picnic basket because it’s going to be a long wait.   The dirt in front of my own door will have me sweeping for a long time.  Abortion is legal, and it is not going to go away because it is all about making money.  If you have any doubt of that, read the book “The Scarlet Lady” by Carol Everett.  The industry is far less about women’s health care and WAY more about making money.

SIGH…I’m sure this doesn’t help much.  See, it really isn’t all that easy for me to stand completely on one side or the other.


  1. LOL – you didn’t hijack at all! All good points.
    And your post is especially needed because you are someone who choose another option in Adoption. I wish many more would make that choice too. There are so many couples who would love to have that baby.
    Interesting points about the man/father/sperm donor too. I didn’t really get into the male perspective. My feeling was that in most cases where a woman is facing an unplanned/unwanted pregnancy….the man is probably hoping she will choose to abort. That would be why the baby is unwanted….right?
    It’s tough topic and a tough choice all around. One that I don’t forsee society ever being able to agree on. But we can all still be loving and respectful to individual choice.
    Thanks for chatting today!

  2. I don’t think I could ever have had an abortion…but I do think a woman should have the right to choose.. and I completey agree with that the father gets screwed… but the facts are…. in today’s society… that a man knows how to prevent this from happening!

  3. I’m pro-torn, too. But I tend not to feel too sorry for the father – or sperm donor, as I prefer to call them! Most of them know what the law is these days…..yet they choose to have unprotected sex anyway. If men don’t want to find themselves without an opinion in an unplanned pregnancy, they need to be much more careful about who they have sex with. Dare I say as careful as women are expected to be?

      • I don’t think it’s enough to just trust what the woman says…..and then be upset about 18 – 21 years of child support obligations!!!!! Or be upset if she wants to abort but he does not. Too russian roulettey to me.

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