*Walks in, puts soap box down, jumps up on it*
I’m reaching the end of my tolerance for people trashing “the other woman” when a man is found cheating. In fact my dear sisters that want to bad mouth these women, you need to have some sense knocked into you. Quit slamming our fellow females and put the blame squarely where it belongs, on the cheating man! It is time for the ones doing the betraying to be held responsible and not the person they were getting it on with.
I will use my own experience as an example. I started seeing someone that I was very attracted too. It wasn’t just a physical thing, we connected on many levels. We went out, and yes we had a physical, intimate relationship as well, right off the bat (come on folks, we’re adults, this is 2011, sex happens and happens right away so get over acting like you are shocked when it does). I asked him if he was single, and was told he was divorced and not involved with anyone. I believed him, what reason would I not? And, as I was single, I didn’t have a commitment to be concerned about. All I had to go on was his word and I trusted him. As it turned out…he was in fact very married. Now, who is to blame here? Not me, I’m not the one that was in a committed relationship and failed to share that rather important piece of information. I got MY heart broken because I was being lied too just as much as his wife was being deceived. The responsible party here is the man who was married and cheating on his wife! I didn’t make the commitment, it is not my responsibility to keep that commitment to her…it is HIS!
Look, I get it, I’ve been cheated on in my lifetime a few times. It hurts and we want to blame someone, so we lash out at the other woman (or if we are guys we go kick some dude’s ass). Suddenly the other woman, the innocent-and-unattached-didn’t-make-a-commitment one is called a home wrecker, whore or worse. Never mind that she was never informed that said cheating dirt bag was married or otherwise attached, we want to blame the person that isn’t in the now shattered bond of trust. We let our sisters take the blame and responsibility for something the man did. If he tells me he is single and I go sheet dancing with him and later it is found out he is sort of or very much attached, that is HIS DAMN FAULT. He needs to take ownership of his screw up and we need to put the blame ON HIM!
As women we get all worked up, what does she have that I don’t have? We start picking apart the other female when the person that needs to be picked apart is the cheater, not the woman he cheated with. We love our men so we don’t want to rip them up too much, so we blame the woman, she must be a whore or a slut. Um…NO LADIES! She is a victim in this situation too! She was lied too, and in a sense cheated on by the dishonest man who KNEW he made a commitment and chose NOT to honor it. Remember, her time is invested in him, so is her heart. He deceived her and you! I don’t care how pretty, sexy, or tempting that lady is, I don’t care what you think she did to lure your man away…HE made the decision to jump in the sheets with her. HE was in the committed relationship, HE is the one that made a promise, and HE is the one that broke it. Not the other woman. It is NOT her fault. AND if by chance she did know he was attached, as I know there are women that love going after married guys, it doesn’t matter if she DID do all she could to lure him to her bed. If he goes, it’s HIS FAULT not hers. HE broke the commitment, HE cheated, HE made the decision to go for it rather than walk away.
How about we start blaming the one who cheated, and leave the one they cheated on us with out of the picture. No one held a gun to his head ladies, no one forced him. He made a conscious decision to leave your bed and go to hers. Which SHOULD tell you something about where you stand with him. Don’t be upset that you were lied too, be upset that you were not worth the truth! And put the blame on the right party.
*gets down off my soap box*
*DISCLAIMER – I know, women cheat on husbands/boyfriends too, but lately I’ve seen several ‘other women’ trashed when the cheater should be to blame*
Marti Gardner 
I’m shades-of-gray on this too. Depends on the situation. In the end, yes – he ultimately made the commitment and chose to break it. He has to own that and be held accountable. It cracks me up when a partner will pick apart the woman who cheated with her man and let the man off the hook b/c well, that woman must be evil. As if he was some poor innocent fool whose pants just fell off in front of evil and he was helpless to do anything to stop it. These wives are so afraid of losing what they have (and really, what did they have?) that they’ll actually defend the guy and make excuses for him.
But I do reserve the right to have a nasty opinion of the woman involved too depending on the level of information she had. I’m not proud of it, but I’ve been on that side of the fence twice where I ended up with a married man. Once I had not a clue and kicked him curbside the second I found out. In those situations, I think both women should leave each other alone and kick him straight in the junk. The other time, I knew full well what I was doing – and I deserved every nasty thing his wife had to say. Even if I wasn’t the one who made the commitment, what I was doing was wrong and I knew it – not being a party to the marriage contract doesn’t excuse my informed behavior. The fact that you’re knowingly intruding in a marriage tells me a lot about who you are and what your code of ethics is like, and that I probably don’t want much to do with you, because if you’ll do that to her – then my husband isn’t off limits to you either. You’re an opportunist, your moral compass is off and you need some help to figure out how to be less shady in this life.
Very good points! Hard to really nail down a definite side in this one, all variables need to be considered. But for certain if the woman didn’t know, then leave her be!
I agree with shell, it comes down to the situation. There are some pretty damn manipulative ladies out there that won’t stop ’til they get the man they’re after. And then the side of the man, they cheat.
Really, it all just comes down to this: people need to be honest iwht one another, and have confrontations before affairs happen, before marriages end, and before a huge fight breaks out.
See how smart you are now with that new hair color? LOL Just kidding. I couldn’t agree more !
Amazing the difference! lol
Hmmm… I think it really depends on the situation. It really is on the guy, no matter what. Though, I do think if the woman knew the guy was married, it is on her, too. Not her fault if she didn’t know, but partially to blame if she did.
A-damn-men. (pun intended)