The Dating Diaries ~ Get It Off My Hanger!

I’ve noticed something on the dating sites that I’ve also seen in society in general:  We all tend to hang our self esteem on other people’s hangers.  This is obvious by the reactions to being rejected.  I wrote a blog about this last year, when I decided to remove MY self esteem from the hangers of others opinions of me.

I know that I am a good hearted woman, I am attractive, and I’m a great catch for the right man.  Key word being RIGHT.  Not every man is right for me, in fact most will not be, and that is okay.  I will find the one that I don’t want to live without and  make him the happiest guy around.  He will be blessed and thank God every day that my ex divorced me so that I could be found by him, the one that will treasure me.  Goodness knows plenty of men I have dated have told me to thank  him for setting me free just so they had a chance at knowing me even though it ended up just a friendship.  Yes, I AM that special!  Guess what? SO ARE YOU! To many someones in this world you are that precious too, you just have to find the one that wants to keep you and you want to keep them.  It took me a while to accept that single best thing my ex did for me, since he didn’t cherish and treasure me, was to let me go so someone else COULD.  And then I removed my self esteem from his hanger, put it on MINE and learned what a great person this marvelous woman really is!

We all tend to let it bother us when someone finds  fault in us, be it that we don’t clean correctly, dress the way they think we should, talk too loud, talk too much, aren’t as pretty or fit or whatever someone else has in their mind for what we should be.  Or, what they think their ideal match is, as is the case on dating sites.

On a dating site, we fill out our dating profiles and then hope to catch the attention of someone that meets our criteria.  Some people, like myself, put serious time and effort into the written portions of their profiles.  We take the quizzes, psychology tests of some kind, that determine things about our personalities and preferences to assist in finding the perfect match.  We chose photos of ourselves in various situations to help portray who we are to potential mates and then hope for the best.  There are those that for whatever reason think putting down one word or one line  answers is going to just impress the snot  out of others,  oh and 1 fuzzy photo of themselves from 50 feet away, astride their Harley (at least it LOOKS like it might be one from that blurred image) and then 5 photos of their dogs or sunsets, which don’t happen to be blurry, go figure.

The sites  have standard questions about smoking and your preference, drinking of  alcohol, height, marital/relationship status for you and your preferred match.  It is amazing, I swear some of the  sites asked me for what brand of toilet paper I purchase, or it seemed that way.  So, anyway, if  I am looking  over profiles of potentials, I can see right away if they are someone I want to meet.  Their photos, what they write, what their physical characteristics are etc, all give me clues to them.

As I stated the other day, I can and DO glean a lot  from a person’s profile.  It is the ‘first impression’ and believe me it DOES make a difference.  A haphazard profile is a good  indication that someone is careless and doesn’t take care of themselves, so I know they aren’t going to make me a priority.  Or it may be a very well written profile, but just not be someone of interest to me because we don’t share common interests.  It is always perplexing when someone writes and says “I see we have a lot in common…” and I go look and find they are into sky diving, hang gliding, NASCAR…nothing at ALL in common.  My guess then is they saw my pics and thought I was attractive so they’d give it a shot.  I  know what it is I’m looking for, and when I find it, I will know.  I knew immediately when I met the ex Prince, before he opened his mouth or I even knew his name, I said to my mom “I am going to marry that one”. Sure enough I did.  Trust me, I can tell enough from what I read and see on a profile, if there is any interest.  A few emails between us and my first impression is confirmed if there were any doubts.

So where am I headed with this?  I am growing tired of men contacting me, and when I tell them “I’m sorry but I am just not interested, but good luck in your search” I am called names and they begin personal attacks.  Mr. Confident isn’t the first or last (he just stood out).  Last night a guy from Louisville,  Kentucky contacted me.  He is like 2 hours  away.  When I said “I’m sorry, but as I state in my profile, I am not interested in a long distance relationship, I cannot relocate and unless you are able too, should  we hit it off, it just won’t work out” he in turn wrote back and called me an asshole!  Wow, really?  I didn’t bother to go into the fact that nothing about his profile or photos was even remotely appealing to me, I was kind and polite.  Another potential that contacted me said “I knew I wasn’t in your league and you’d think you were too good for me” (I get that ‘outta my league’ stuff entirely too much).    I don’t think I am too good for you, YOU JUST DO NOT INTEREST ME!!!!

What I see here is a bunch of  men that get their hopes up that some attractive female might want to date them, and then their ego gets bruised if she says no.  No  one is out of anyone’s league.  Period.  But no one wants to go out with someone they are not interested in.  Just because you have an interest in me doesn’t mean I share that interest.  If it isn’t mutual, why waste our time?  Sure, I realize that by some slim, snowball’s chance in hell we might hit it off, but I might get struck by lightening or win the lottery too…twice.  The man I seek is hot and handsome on the INSIDE and it shows through his profile in not only his photos, but in his smile, what  he writes about himself, his attitude that comes  through in those  writings.  None of us are going to be knock  outs when we are  old and wrinkled up like a fuzzy, mold covered prune, but our inner self will still be beautiful, and that is what I am looking for most, that inner man that will rock my world.

Stop hanging your self esteem on my hanger.  If going out with me is what you need to feel good about you, buddy you are in a world of hurt!


  1. Marti, your writing, soul searching, and openess is quite often “out of our league,” but we’ll all keep you around at some level of friendship.

    Speaking of hangars… you prefer wire or wooden hangars? Just thinking of the movie “Mommy Dearest.”

    • Aw thanks, Joe! I prefer any hanger I can find when yanking stuff out of the dryer!

  2. one can not be the measuring stick that is the prize …when its held in anothers hands…Is it they are looking for marvelous arm candy and forget thet the arm is attached to a real person ? who is also trying to find a puzzle piece that fits…?

  3. You seem to be really good at filtering through the crap… but sheesh, what a pain it must be to have to deal with such continual show of low/no self esteem.

    • It does get rather old and quickly. Especially since I don’t say why, just that not interested at this time. Later, down the road, if my situation is such that I would be interested…well not contacting them, if they are still around, if they behaved that way!

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