Somewhere Over The Rainbow…

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
There’s a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.

Someday I’ll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That’s where you’ll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can’t I?

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can’t I?

~ Judy Garland/The Wizard of Oz

I LOVE that song from ‘The Wizard of Oz’.  Poor Dorothy, hunting through life for her heart’s desire, only to learn “if I ever go looking for my heart’s desire again, I won’t look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn’t there, I never really lost it to begin with!”

I think so often we go through life in search of happiness and miss it because it was right there, within ourselves.  We search for the perfect mate, try to find the perfect job, the perfect house in the perfect neighborhood.  We search for the perfect outfit, the perfect hairstyle, the perfect car.  We’re always on the hunt for that ‘perfect’ whatever, thinking that is the key to us being happy.  We  find the perfect whatever it is, only to find that is not the key to happiness and most decidedly is  NOT perfect.

Happiness is a decision we make, in my opinion.  How we chose to react to circumstances and others is our own to decide.  Be it anger,  hurt or even love,  we chose our reactions.  Things will make us mad, people will hurt our feelings, and we will love others without trying too.  But we control our reactions to each situation.  While I did have a serotonin imbalance to feed my anger, it was MY choice to pick up a glass and throw it at the wall (something I have not done in many many years).  It was my choice to spew hateful words at someone. The imbalance got the best of me, making it impossible for me to make the best choice, but still it was my choice.  I made very bad choices and those choices often had bad consequences.  If you don’t have this issue, you wouldn’t understand.  I didn’t even understand how I was until I missed my medication 2 days and got to experience life with the chemicals out of balance again, and then I had something to really compare it all too.    Certainly outside influences steer us, and fear, love, hurt, anger….those cannot be turned on and off like water, but we can take a step back and decide how we are going to react. We can chose to be happy and not angry, bitter or hateful.

When I got married the second time I thought I had found Prince Charming.  Then I set about to make my marriage work by trying to be perfect.  Failing to meet the standards set by someone else only frustrated me and made me bitter.  I cannot be perfect, and cannot squeeze myself into a mold that someone else feels is their perfect someone.  I kept trying to be what I would never be, the ideal for my ex-husband.  When I got frustrated with my failure to measure up, it only made me feel worse about myself and lash out at him.  His standard for what made him happy was a level I would never be able to achieve.  The pressure I placed on myself was unrealistic. I have since discovered the key to my own happiness, ME.  I no longer need anyone elses approval of me to be happy.  My worth hangs on no ones hanger but my own.  As it turned out, I am happy with me as I am. Slightly plump, tattooed, pierced nose, pink hair (on the weekends now), sometimes lazy, often the procrastinator, perfectly imperfect me! Once I came to the realization that I am the only one who can chose happiness for me, I found myself over the rainbow.

Troubles…yes they can melt like lemon drops, or I can chose to dwell on them.  I can fly like the blue birds or opt to be grounded.  I can hold a grudge forever, or decide to offer an olive branch.  I can try like hell to be someone I am not to make another happy, or I can be me and find someone that can love me as I am with all of my  quirky, blond  imperfections.  And I can in turn love them with all of their cracks in their perfection. .

One comment

  1. One of my favorite quotes (which is at the top of my blog), I pulled from J.D. over at “Get Rich Slowly”: “The perfect is the enemy of the good.”

    The further I let that quote sink in, the more meaning it has in so many ways. One of which is that – when I try so hard to be perfect, I stop seeing good in myself. I don’t knowtice (typo intentional) my accomplishment, only seeing where I’ve fallen short. When you give yourself permission to say ‘This is good, and I’m happy with it.”, it really does start to give you a very ‘cup runneth over’ perspective. And the more you knowtice that there just aren’t that many PERFECTLY happy people in the world, but a whole lot of really good friends instead. It’s comical how much good there is in the world when we stop looking for perfect.

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