Wine & Cheese – 17th Serving

Welcome to Wine & Cheese, my weekly, Wednesday whine session.

Every week on Wednesday I devote a blog to whining. Despite being a really happy, positive person, I do have things that annoy me at times. I never let anything grate on my nerves for long but thought it would be fun to vent them periodically in my blogs.

I also feel that good things, the cheese in life, should be acknowledged as well.

I’m even going to throw in a bit of dessert, a piece of virtual chocolate, something that made me laugh or smile just a bit more than normal.

Sit back and join me now for the 17th serving of some wine and cheese!

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This entire wine section today is about TRAFFIC…as in the mess road construction causes for traffic headaches.  What the hell is up with this shit on I75??? I have never driven it that there wasn’t construction on it, ever.   I am SO SICK of seeing orange barrels.  Everyone join me now in a collective scream… AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Thank you, I feel better.  Well bullshit, I do NOT feel better, but it let off a little steam.

Let’s start out with the road crew themselves, that are tying up the early morning, mid morning, late morning, lunch hour, early afternoon, mid afternoon, late afternoon, early evening rush hour, in the thick of it rush hour, late rush hour, late evening, late night, over night, wee hours of the morning commute.  I thought that there was some prerequisite that to work a road crew you had to be at least decent looking and nicely built.  Where are they finding these ugly ass, teeth missing, scraggly bearded, beer bellied guys???  Hell even the women look fresh into a morning hang over from the trailer park.  If I have to sit there can you at least provide something decent  to look at?????

And about those reduced speed limits in the construction zones.  You know, the ones that carry a double fine?  I’m cool with that, I get that we want these ugly pigs and skank ho’s nice work crews to get to happy hour at the bar in one piece go home safe to their family, but could someone please inform those driving the semis of this?  Those 18 wheel shit for brain drivers that are so far up my ass I think I’m a ice lolly on a big rig stick!  Honey that ain’t the kind of big stick I’m into, and I have that area nicely covered at the moment (T.M.I. I know).  BACK THE HELL OFF you idiots, I have much better things to do with $250 that fork it over to the county because you are trying to force me to move along.  I cannot do that when there is no where to move over because of other drivers that for whatever reason aren’t up for paying twice the normal fine either!

Now, who the hell picks the voice for GPS?  And could someone tell me exactly what crawled up her ass and knotted her panties?  I’ve not had the pleasure of her assistance prior to my trip to our Dayton office yesterday.  Not that her voice is unpleasant but insistent little twit, isn’t she?  “Prepare to turn left at ….”, then “turn left at …..”.  No “please”or “thank  you” for that matter, just orders and you are expected to comply.  Ever try NOT listening to her?  All was well until I was heading back.  The office complex up there is one way to traffic.  When I began my journey (backing out of the parking place) she informs me to make a U-turn at the first legal location available.  Well there IS no place, legal or otherwise, you have to drive around the building and exit, on the street behind the office complex.  She repeated the command to make the legal U-turn then got all snippy and told me she was “recalculating route”.  Bitch sounded kind of annoyed.  Seriously who came up with this?  And why is there no option for some very nice, studly sounding MALE voice that says things like “Hey there sexy, would you please prepare to turn left at Reed Hartman Highway?”  or “Aw princess, don’t worry, it is perfectly okay that you did not make a legal U-turn, we’ll just figure out another route for you, hang on there, beautiful, and I’ll recalculate that for you.”   Now THAT is a GPS option I’d like to have!


Despite the lack of rain, the trees are bursting forth in some pretty amazing colors!  Lots of golds and reds, not nearly as deep as they would have been had we not had such a dry, late summer, but still very beautiful.  I love driving through areas with lots of trees this time of year.  Thinking it would be a good time to start walking in the park to enjoy the change of color while it lasts.

Living in a household that is all women has some serious, major pluses.  Like when you are out of shampoo, just glance around the shower there is bound to be some other brand in there that will do the trick.  In fact, in the shower used by 4 of us Divas, there are no less than 21 beauty care items.  Several shampoos, conditioners, face washes, body washes, shave gels, and in shower lotions. It totally rocks!

Mid afternoon visits from someone special, who shows up with kisses, hugs and chocolate without even knowing that it is PMS time.  And all just because he is a nice guy.  Gotta love that! (And the outstanding, sexy view I’m treated too in seeing his totally hot self)


Okay this is a PG-13 dessert, those under 13 or without parental consent stop reading now, I’ll wait……

Gone? Goodie, now on to this.  Paging through the coupon sections of the paper Sunday my sister happened upon a $1 off coupon for any durex item.  They are the folks that make condoms and lubes. Pictured next to said coupon is an ad for their newest product, the Love-Box condoms in designer tins.  Yes, condoms that come in “discreet and stylish” tins.  Seriously, these things are just big enough and square to hold a few condoms and they are in all kinds of cute, designer, colorful tins.  I went to their site and could NOT find them. So, for  your amusement, I took a pic of the ad.  We’re still laughing about this 3 days later, Love-Box…really? Just what we all need, blinged carry boxes condoms.  I’ll run right out and get one!


  1. I have to tell you about my Garmin GPS. They have a program you can download to your pc and record YOUR voice for the commands, then you load it on to your GPS. I had my wife, Celeste, record HER voice for the commands. So now I get to hear her voice tell me where to go. I love it when I make a wrong turn or need to make a U-turn, instead of hearing “Recalculating”, I hear “Turn the fuck around!”

    My son Brad will ask me to make a wrong turn just so he can her say it! LOL.

  2. Mine includes choices for male/female and regional voices. Mine is currently a female Aussie who calls the highways the “motorway” which makes me smile – always a good thing on the efn I-75 Motorway. I chose fem because I am anti-male for now. Peace!

    • Mine is on my blackberry thru Verizon. Found I have a choice of voices but haven’t listened to all of them yet.

  3. I agree the GPS one made me laugh as well ! If I had a choice Sam Elliott (sexy ass man) would be on my GPS giving me direction ! 🙂

  4. hahahah. the GPS one cracked me the hell up. I felt the same way. You should be able to change the voice in settings. there are some men voices. I actually picked the australian woman and have named her samantha.

    oh and the 18 wheelers. omg. some of them feel like they own the freaking road. what happened to good old fashioned curteous driving on the road?

    • OH just found that, thanks! Not sure if I like the guy voices or not yet but will check ’em out.

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