I Don’t Fart Fairy Dust

I am not a mommy blogger.  I was never a stay at home mom.  I have nothing against them and actually follow quite a few, enjoying the posts about their kids etc.  But my ‘babies’ are now 20 and 26 years old.  On my  horizon is the grandma chapter but it isn’t here yet. And when it does arrive, I am not the type to post that my grandbaby did a mean old #2, if I felt the need to share that it would read something like “junior blew an atomic bomb of nasty shit”.   We home schooled our kids but not for a bunch of lofty religious reasons (easy now I’m a bible believing Christian), we did it cause we were fed the hell up with the local school system and private schools were not in the budget.  By the time the oldest reached the end of 5th grade we decided we couldn’t possibly mess this kid up any worse than the schools were doing so we yanked him out and finished educating him at home, his sister never stepped foot in a traditional classroom until college.

I am not a recipe blogger either.  I have a few dishes I can make fairly well, but I am NOT a cook by any stretch of the definition.  While I make the few things I do very well, and not from a box, Hamburger Helper and Stew Helper would be my best buddies and the pizza man would be on speed dial if I was in charge of the regular cooking in the Diva Den.  The ex used to joke on his Facebook and Twitter telling his coworkers at the fire house to be on stand-by when I was cooking.  It was funny but not all that unrealistic an idea!  When I navigate the kitchen it is all about coffee or beer.  I gladly do dishes and clean up the kitchen but no one will ever mistake me for Betty Crocker or Martha Stewart.

I don’t have a review blog – seriously who would pay me or give me their products to review?  I’m probably a little TOO blunt and honest.  “The sauce tastes like motor oil and the pasta had the consistency of wallpaper paste” isn’t exactly what they are looking for in negative reviews I’m thinking.  As far as positive reviews, “was so yummy it would have made my panties wet if I wore them” probably isn’t going to be any more well received.

I am not into politics and don’t have a cause, don’t compost or hug trees.   The closest I am to going green is not wasting water on the front lawn, and that is because I’m too cheap to pay the bill to have green grass in a drought.  I am a huge supporter of rescue critters when it comes to pets and supporting the no kill shelters but that isn’t really my scope of knowledge and really not something I want to write about often.

My blog is just a realistic view of MY life. I write about me and my world.   I love writing, and in a way it is therapeutic for me.  Way back when I started writing blog posts on Myspace, and then later on my first blog page, it was mostly a way to share what was going on with family and friends.  If no one stopped by and read my page I’d still be posting, but as fate would have it I have an audience. That is both humbling and baffling as hell to me.  I refer in my subheading to being a princess after the fairy tale ends, but honestly I am NO fairy tale princess.  More of a border line ready for the funny farm Diva lacking any domestic qualities unless they can be performed on my back in bed (or on top or…okay TMI!!)

My world is not full of rainbows, unicorns, knights in shining armor and while I am usually really happy, I don’t fart fairy dust.  I don’t paint an unrealistic picture, I’m honest.  But just because life has dealt me a few bad hands doesn’t mean I have to wallow in self pity.  No need to draw the shades, dress in black, light candles and go into mourning.  Life is precious, and entirely too short.  Time is the single most valuable commodity we have, every minute spent is without interest and cannot be refunded.

 

Walter from the Jeff Dunham show http://www.jeffdunham.com. If you have NOT seen it, watch a clip, tell me it isn't Pete!

 

I could sit around and feel all down because when Lord Voldemort came by last night to get a piece of mail he was barely civil and had this look on his face like he had just bit down on bat shit when he looked at me.  I am far from being promoted to the top of his favorite people list.  Instead I look at it this way, he wanted out, if it isn’t working out the way he planned and he isn’t deliriously happy, it’s NOT my problem.  I take a more positive perspective, I’m happy, my home is fantastic, I’ve got my Divas and BFFs….bummer, sucks to be you Petey boy (by the way, that  look on your face, the bat shit one? yeah that is why folks dubbed you Walter, honey, try a smile once in a while).

My blog reviews, promotes, discusses and is all about me and or whatever is on my mind at any given time.  It is anything goes most days, and often I participate in blog memes and hops so sometimes it might edge on fluff (just edge though), others it will be raunchy.  Most of the time it is somewhere in between.   I won’t apologize if something is offensive, but support you in your right not to read it.  If you find it offensive, you’d find me equally so, as I tend to talk like I write.  I try to put a disclaimer on it when I say “fuck” a lot, but sometimes I forget.  Just know that I am pretty much rated PG-13 and I already sense a shift or evolution in my focus.  And again, I don’t fart fairy dust. (I love saying that!)