I Am A Ninja Warrior

I am armed and dangerous  to my prey.  I hunt them down, a lethal assassin I am, stalking quietly until the perfect moment to attack.  I show  no mercy when I kill my targets, often leaving behind their mutilated bodies as a warning to others.  I am a ninja warrior…

My sister is deathly allergic to most types of bees, wasps etc.  Over the years, when she would get stung, the reactions grew more severe, causing her to always be in possession of an Epi-Pen when outside.  The reactions now are deadly, she must carry two such pens to be administered immediately while a life squad is summoned, as the contents of the pen will only hold her over until the paramedics can arrive and take over life saving efforts.  I am allergic as well, though my reactions are far behind hers in severity, but they do worsen with each sting just not as dramatically as Diva Boo’s.

My Ninja sword is swift and powerful, and when I swing it, it crashes into my unsuspecting victims, filleting them into many pieces, ending their tormenting of others….

We in the Princess Palace keep a fly swatter handy when on the deck for killing any pesky insect that happens along at the wrong time.   We are territorial women when it comes to our food and personal space and frankly don’t care for anything that has more than 4 legs (and then you better have fur!).  Flies, bees, spiders, moths….we refuse to share our space, it is us or them, and it is always them!

I am well  trained, having a double pink belt to my name and my attire strikes fear in the heart of those I hunt along with my cold, black eyes…

So there I am this morning, sitting on the deck enjoying coffee with my mom and sister, when a damned bee comes along and begins to torment my sister.  Had it just flown on by after we shooed it we would have not had any issues.  However it has been very chilly of late over night and the stinger brigade is getting vicious as their time nears an end.  This one was persistent, guess he didn’t know who he was messing with here!  I grabbed the fly swatter, game on baby!

Now picture this scene…3 women, in jammies and bath robes, bed head, and coffee cups.  I have on my flamingo pajamas…white tank top with one little pink flamingo embroidered on the lower side of the top near the hem.  The shorts are mint green and white stripes, then covered with embroidered  pink  flamingos all over them, 3 cute little pink buttons and a pink elastic waistband.  I am also sporting my pink, fluffy bathrobe that just happens to be the same color pink as that of the flamingos, complete with a pink belt.  My bed head could take the gold medal at the bed head international games and my eyeliner and mascara are smeared on my face and eyelids because I was too damned tired  to wash my face before I went to bed last night.  One so very sexy sight to behold, I’m just scary sexy!

And there I am, armed with  the pink fly swatter, I nailed that little bastard in one swipe leaving him in about 6 pieces on the plastic.  One good tap  on the deck railing and his mangled  remains fall to the lawn as fertilizer.  Damn I am getting good, that is the 3rd one in 24 hours that I got on the first smack down.  Granted not nearly as impressive as when I squash wolf spiders with my bare fist but a stunning display none the less.  Hopefully  no one got that on video for YouTube.

Called into action by the screams of a damsel in distress, I bear down on her assailant and attack with my deathly sword, sending him to meet his maker.  Be afraid, be very afraid…

Don’t fuck with me…..

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