30 Days Of Truth
Day 08 → Someone Who Made Your Life Hell, Or Treated You Like Shit
This one has taken some time to ponder, and I’m still not able to narrow this down all that well to just one individual. Certainly plenty of people have treated me like shit from the 1st hubby that had a tendency to black out and become violent when he drank, to the 2nd hubby that announced after 23yrs of marriage that he wanted a divorce. He thinks otherwise but where I come from when you stand by and support someone through years of surgeries (about 17 total) and the pain and sleep deprivation moods that went with that, not to mention being the lone income for the family or the major bread winner most of the time, to suddenly bail IS treating someone that loved you like shit. Okay and yes, life was a living hell through all of that, but I chose to stay knowing sooner or later it would improve.
In fact that is the conclusion I have arrived at after days of pondering this particular subject: We make our own life hell by the choices we make. When I married the first hubby, I discovered he had an alcohol problem that resulted in some severe mood swings, paranoia, and violence when he drank. I CHOSE to stay there for several years and put up with it. Yes his drinking and resulting behavior is HIS own fault, but I am the fool that stuck it out for so long in that hell. I made the choice so therefore I made my own life hell. Same with the 2nd husband and his medical issues. They were not his fault, and to some degree his moods on the narcotics, intense pain and lack of sleep cannot be totally blamed on him. I made the conscious decision to live in that hell for years until we got him fixed, that hell was my own choosing and I could have packed up and left at any time. But I stayed. I have learned that marriage vows, should I ever be dumb enough to take them again, will be rewritten. To hell with this crap of “for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health”, I experienced all of that for 23 years and did not bail and for what? One relationship closer to owning 10 cats, that’s what! BUT I did chose that life and to continue to love someone that was less than deserving of my love. That is an incredible woman if I do say so myself.
I have moved on, and began a new life. The men that are a now permitted into my life are on probation for life. One screw up and out of the picture they go. I won’t be treated badly again but one time by any man, at which point he is FINISHED. I am special, a unique, outstanding, good hearted, giving, loving, compassionate woman. Call it a princess complex if you want too, I don’t care, I am a great catch and if I grace your life with my presence you damn well better be ready to treat me like the incredible and amazing woman that I am! No, I don’t have a big ego, I have a lot of male friends (no not ones trying to get in my skirt) that have known me a while, that told me how awesome I am, what a treasure I would be for any man, and what a fool he was that let me go. They know of my temper, know what I did, said etc over the years, know my imperfections and character flaws, and still think I’m all class and wonder. From now on this girl is choosing happiness over hell.
So, yes, someone has made my life hell….that someone was me by the choices I made and the resulting consequences, and the length of time I was willing to live with said results until I ( or another) removed myself from the existence in that Hades.
Marti Gardner 
well stated.
Thanks Dale!
I can tell that you write from your heart… *hugs*
Beautiful post…
stopping by from the LBS.
Thanks for stopping by Reenie!
Well, the word “incredible” gets tossed around a lot, and for people that don’t even come close to qualifying. That being said, from everything I’ve read and people I’ve talked to, YOU most certainly meet the requirements of being called incredible.
I would like to say that you taking ownership of your problems with no self-pity, but only personal growth, is a testament to you as a person. Your honesty with yourself and with others is amazing.
Anyone with you in their life is blessed.
Thank you!
Well put as usual:) If more people would take ownership of the lives they live rather than play the victim, the world would be full of happier people in great relationships w/ each other. Thank you once again for something to think deeply about.
While I’m not participating in these blogs online, I sure am personally.
Great stuff!
Thanks Pammie for being one of my loyal readers!!! HUGS! Hope they are always something of value for you to read.
Sometime, not always, when you state your arguments so clearly, my jaw drops. I go from one word to the next word to the next word in fascination at your writing skills.
Keep up your healing process, Marti.
Thank you! I swear I simply write from my heart, sometimes not easily, but always it helps in the healing!
You ARE incredible and awesome!
Great post.
*blushing* thanks Lisa!!!
Fascinating post. I admire the ability to take personal responsibility for yourself and what goes on around you, but at the same time, I don’t think it should be used to beat yourself up. As a healthy, well-adjusted, powerful, intellectual, self-aware, expressive woman, you should take pride in how un-devilish you are.
Thanks Joe, don’t worry, I won’t beat myself up over it all. Mistakes made, and done and behind me. 🙂