Coffee & Bedhead

Ah bedhead!  Hair going in more directions than a bowl of spaghetti, great black mail material if anyone around you has the nerve to snap a quick photo.  That is more or less what my blog is about today, just a directionless tangle of thoughts to spill out over that first cup of coffee.

I am sporting a lovely bedhead do this morning which is my usual fresh from the pillows look.  Using a paste or clay to achieve my hair style lends to some pretty interesting hair displays  when the sun comes up.  Add to that a kitten, who sleeps by my head and feels the need to fluff, gather, spread out and kneed my locks before she sleeps and the end results are down right scary.  The rest of the Diva Den sports some very special looks too as a result of deep slumber, hair care  products and the big cat.  We don’t need the hand guns we each have, if someone breaks in we’ll just all appear out of the darkness and the intruder will think he/she has arrived in Dawn Of The Living Dead hell!  Weekends we all take awhile to get moving, just enjoying our coffee, the newspaper, catching up on emails (our kitchen looks like a mini data center with 5 laptops at the table) and moving at our own pace.  Bedhead is the fashionable breakfast attire  here.

Saturday mornings, like Fridays,  have meaning again in my life.  I thought I would enjoy being off work when I lost my job for a year and a half but after awhile it got rather boring laying poolside.  I enjoyed the tan, getting in the pool to vacuum and all my girlfriends showing up during the summer, but after a while even that got old.  Since many are teachers, come the start of  the school year I had to entertain myself.  Fridays were not a big deal when off  the rest of the week and I slept  in every day.  My kids were grown so I didn’t have them to take care of, it wasn’t long before I was bored out of my mind and wanting to go back to work.  I am thrilled to have Friday and the weekend be significant again.

Today marks the end of the 10-day puppy sitting.   I’ve had my daughter’s Yorkie, Penny, while she was on vacation in Florida with her boyfriend.  She celebrated her 20th birthday in the Magic Kingdom  at Disney World, her first time there.  Judging from her texts and Facebook status updates she has had the time of her life.  I am looking forward to seeing her, I miss my baby girl so much now that we are not living together.   Usually she is  here at the Princess Palace a few times a week for dinner  so this has been a long 10 days.  I’ve enjoyed the ‘extended visitation’  with Penny,  as I really miss coming home to her little stub of a tail wagging since  moving out of the marital residence.  She follows me around like a shadow when I am home and is my constant companion.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about friendships.  Many of my friendships are with men because they are a different breed.  They keep secrets far better than women, rarely gossip and are less likely to stick a virtual knife in your back.  Women can be such jealous, catty creatures and most of the time the friendships with them aren’t at all  what they may seem.  I have one girlfriend from childhood, we met when she was 3 years old, and I was 2.  Our mothers were friends which is how we came to know each other.  Throughout our growing up years we were close. Even when she moved away and went to another school, we stayed in contact.  Our lives took very different directions and while we don’t get  to talk often, when we  do it is  as if  we haven’t been apart at all, we just pick right up where we left off.  I have another friend,  one I met at church about 14 years  ago,  and our friendship was forged  in the  fire of many trials we  each suffered.  We talk now and then, both so busy living our  lives, but we remain close.  I could call her at 2am in a crisis and she’d scramble from her bed to be there.  I’d do the same for her.  Both of these women have known pain and suffering in their lives, and made  decisions that weren’t popular with those around them.  They each have seen a failed marriage or two, and seen friends they were as  close to as family turn their backs on them when they needed them most.  They both know that  a real friend stands by while you stumble, make mistakes, fall  down and then pick yourself up and get reoriented, but they never walk away.

Throughout this past 6 months I’ve seen the same thing in my own life.  I have friends that took a step back waiting for the dust to settle  on the  divorce and I respect that, they don’t want to chance being dragged into our drama if it were to get ugly.  But there  are also friends that I have come to see are not the real deal.  They are jealous creatures and only keep you close for selfish reasons.  It has painful to realize that one friend in particular, that I have  always admired and respected, and very much trusted her wisdom and ‘feel’ for situations, really wasn’t a friend at all.  She is one of those people that attention gravitates toward, that loves the spotlight and the spotlight loves her back.  She seems to crave being in that light, and having center stage,  and there is nothing at all  wrong with that.  Often those in the social circles we ran in said she was an attention whore, but to know her is to love her and in time you come  to realize it is just her natural place in life.  Sadly whenever someone comes along that is prettier, sexier, better built, well liked, etc, jealousy rears its ugliness in her.  She can always find some flaw in those persons, takes an attitude toward them, and if she  cannot befriend them so she can keep them where she feels they are not a threat to her own popularity, she turns on them and begins a subtle campaign to whittle down their image in other’s eyes.  She is even successful, for awhile, until folks begin to observe the behavior and notice the veiled insults and attacks.  Recently she pulled away from me, interestingly enough about the time I stopped trying to fight against Pete to save my marriage and accepted that he wasn’t coming back.  I had started to not only accept my situation, I began to seek out the silver lining in the storm clouds of my life and embracing those things that were positive and happy.  It tore a hole in my heart that she  turned her back on me, without even talking to me about what she perceived from reading my blogs.  She sees arrogance  and ego, feeling I’m not being realistic because I’m choosing to focus on the things in my life that I can change, and accepting what I cannot.  I’m basking in my blessings and happiness and allowing the wounds to heal.  In reality many who have seen/heard what she has had to say have expressed  that I am now a bigger threat to her as a single, happy woman.  In fact many have wondered if she herself is half as happy as she  tries to come across.  It saddens me, as she is a beautiful woman, has a vivacious spirit and is the life of the party, is married to a wonderful man and has great kids and is living the dream so many women would die to have. And for so long I really felt she was my friend. Now I question if she really ever was my treasured friend and if I was only looking up to someone I had placed on pedestal in my life that maybe did not belong there?  I saw and retweeted a tweet from TheSingleWoman the other day that hit home for me, “Bless those who walk away from u. They’re making room for the ones that won’t!”  Perhaps she has done me a favor in making room for true friends?  I still hope that things get reconciled, I miss my friend a lot, and still think she is often misunderstood.

I  love payday, it is a time to pamper myself a bit.  Lunch from Chipotle yesterday, then getting my nails  done.  I  debated having them cut down though  now that  I’ve adjusted to the length  I kept them that way.  Just means a little extra care when doing chores around the house.  Not likely as I’m like a bull  in a china shop but they will survive  most things I do.  No jammie indulgences this time around,  Pixel kitten needed things more than I needed to spoil myself with yet another pair of pajamas.  Like a typical  new mother I am feeding her  only the best food  I can afford, Science Diet for kittens.  I’m sure  she’d be fine on something less expensive, seeing how she  came into this world in a sewer and survived  when some of her siblings did not without  her mother  in the first few days, but I enjoy giving her  the best that I am able.  I also bought the  cutest pair of Disney themed scrubs for my daughter for her birthday.  She loves having colorful, fun  ones to wear in the vet’s office so when I found them I could not  resist.

Debating what I should do with my wedding bands, sell them, keep them as they are in a safe deposit box  to give to my daughter,  or have the diamonds reset.  My daughter prefers silver or white gold  and my rings are yellow gold.  I  doubt she’d wear them as they are so  I am considering trading in the setting and having the diamonds placed in a new one that I could  wear for now  and later give  her, something in silver or  white  gold.  No rush of course just miss wearing my jewelry, I love  rings.  I have 2 others, an emerald and a ruby, that need  fixing before I can wear them again, guess  I should be getting on that. Or hold on to  them to sell if I need money which is also very likely.

Ah well, this day is slipping past quickly, and I need a shower, have laundry calling for me, and errands to run.  Oh yes, and doing some work from home making some follow up calls to our customers.  That part I hate but at least I will get  paid for the time….I hope!

Everyone have a marvi day and evening!