Yesterday Pete and I made one giant step closer to no longer being legally bound to each other, we did the paperwork and sent it back to the ‘lawyers’ for our divorce. We’ve opted to use Legal Zoom to cut our costs. Once he payed the fee he started answering a bunch of questions covering every aspect imaginable in our marriage from property to debts, in detail, and which of us would take possession of each. Thankfully our kids are grown so that is not an issue as that would be a huge section all on it’s own.
He had to call me several times to obtain information he did not have in order to get it all filled out and then called me a few hours into the process to provide me with the log on ID and password so I could review it to ensure there are no ‘surprises’ in the information. I didn’t bother, there won’t be any. One thing about Pete is that he is trying hard not to be unfair in this process. In fact if anything he is being way more than fair and taking on a lot more debt responsibility than would be assigned if we fought this out with lawyers in a court room.
That along with his rapid push to get it all finished has made me suspicious that my assumptions are correct and that there IS someone else and has been for some time now. Several times in this journey I’ve gotten upset and threatened to drag this thing through the legal system and force the house to be sold and ask for spousal support. I know, not real mature but I was hurting and lashed out at him because I am fairly certain this has more to do with another woman than any character flaw I might have. He says he wants it over with so I don’t do exactly that, attempt to screw him over in court. Reality is I would not be screwing him over, the laws would grant certain things but I am not into causing him grief, just would like an honest answer as to why. We’ll have the paperwork back in about a week to ten days, file it and then be legally divorced, the rest of this taking about 6 weeks total.
I found it interesting in dealing with that yesterday that I was not upset. It dawned on me that in the month and 3 days that I have lived in the Princess Palace I have not cried at all over this. I no longer reach for my phone to text him something funny, say good morning, or tell him to be safe on the job. I’ve established my life and routine now that does not include him and I’m really okay! Heck better than okay I am happy and at peace. No one saying “that’s stupid” or “that’s a waste of time” to things I enjoy doing with my time. I started thinking on what it was that brought me to this point of tranquility.
First getting out of the house and into a new home helped a lot. We aren’t around each other with all the tension and pain of being together without BEING together.
Taking over my own finances and being responsible for paying my bills, on time, all on my own while maintaining a budget. This was a huge step of independence as he always handled the finances. Now I see where every dime is going, manage my payments and then get to determine how I will spend extra cash left over. That is both liberating and frightening but I’m managing very well so far.
Getting out and starting to do things that I enjoy and building a new social circle has also been a huge factor in my healing. I’m also very thankful for those TRUE friends, the real ones that have stuck by me through the rougher waters at the beginning and my adjustments to this single life. The ones that didn’t abandon me simply because they didn’t necessarily like where I was or what I was doing but loved me and stayed within reach while I took those steps to right my world. Karma can be a real bitch and I hope she passes them by, those that walked away, rather than bite them in the ass as she often does. I would not wish this on my worst enemy let alone someone I had thought was my friend.
Blogging has definitely helped me through this as I have been able to journal my feelings and share that which I do not mind if others know. I’m a pretty open book for the most part. As my soon to be ex says, I have no skeletons in my closet, mine are sitting about on the couch where they are in full view, I have nothing to hide. While I may not offer the information, if you ask me I’ll be completely honest. My blogs are not written for anyone but me. No offense to any readers but I write about me, my life, my thoughts etc and not to impress anyone. Blogging is therapy for me. My perspective is if you don’t like them, then don’t read them.
The other thing that has helped a lot is Pixel, my four-legged, furry, heart band-aid. While she is a rescue kitten, it is up for debate exactly who rescued who. She gives me someone to nurture and love that needed me at a time when I needed her. My heart was feeling kind of empty but she moved right in and left paw prints on my soul. Whisker therapy for my broken heart has been the best medicine around.
Reading and crochet are also means of therapy for me that are being picked back up this weekend. With the summer reading program I’m in a little friendly competition with my sister to actually read some books. That won’t take any encouragement! I have no less than 4 crochet projects in my closet right now, 4 wonderful blankets that need to be finished. One in particular for my dear friend, Mario (no I have NOT forgotten you sweetie!) who is a huge Bengal fan, like me, and is patiently waiting his blanket in team colors. I promise you will have it by preseason kick off my beloved, Italian buddy! The UC blanket is what it will look like only in orange, black and white.
But for now, it is dinner time, another special part of healing, where all the women in the Diva Den come together to eat, laugh and talk. Not unlike our Saturday, late night wine time, this is one of my favorite parts of the day. Being with family is very important to me as I move closer to the day when I will no longer be married.
Marti Gardner 
Stay strong. I know exactly how you feel.
Wonderfully written, Marti. Oh, and thanks for blogrolling me. I’m pretty sure you’re the only reason anybody even read my first post. 🙂